was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
