it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
