Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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