Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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