she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
