Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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