dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
