did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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