Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize