I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
