you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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