hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
