no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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