i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
