can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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