the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
