I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
