she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
