my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
