I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
