Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
