he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
