Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
