you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
