The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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