im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you never un-have a 4some
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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