do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
