I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
