I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
