you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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