Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
