i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
