I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
