Where is the hickey?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
