And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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