So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
