well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
