You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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