well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
