Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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