I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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