I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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