life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
