My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
