His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Green mimosas i think yes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
