You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
