I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
