Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
