You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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