I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
