Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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