Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
