1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
