Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
