He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
