i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
