Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Welp...herpes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
