The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
