Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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