It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
