Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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