haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
