WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
