i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
