at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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