Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
