i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
