I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
