Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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