we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
