There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize