Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize