that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
